It is rare for me to be certain about what God wants me to do. There is no foolproof way, as God isn’t an answer machine nor a scientific object that we can study. But there are ways that I try to be a little more certain. I pray to God every day and hope that He reminds me to change my course if I’m going astray. I compare my convictions with Scripture, as God’s Word cannot contradict each itself. I share my spiritual life with other believers and ask for their opinion.
For now, the conviction has gradually formed in my mind that God wants me to finish my PhD in physics as best as I can. God wants me to appreciate His glory and majesty in the experiments that I do. I have chronicled part of how I got there here. I don’t know if afterwards, God wants me to continue in academia, industry, or go to an entirely different field. Having faith in God and living one’s life according to His will is a continual journey. It’s never finished, and I certainly don’t have all the answers.
I certainly agree that God’s ways are sometimes unknown, inscrutable, and even frustrating. Why doesn’t God just get rid of all evil and suffering straight away? Why doesn’t God grant my prayers right now? Why doesn’t God reveal himself and remove all doubt from me? The Bible tackles this problem head on, in the book of Job. And yet even Job doesn’t get a rationally satisfying answer about why he, a righteous man, has been allowed to suffer so terribly and unfairly. He does, however, realize that God’s purposes are way too unfathomable for him to justifiably raise this complaint.
This is not a comforting answer. But despite all the suffering and frustration with the world, I think there is something interesting about how God has allowed us to wrestle with that question itself. Instead of making everything agreeable and pleasant, he’s given us a choice: to keep wrestling with these difficult questions, as Job did, or to turn away from him instead.
This is why I think faith is fundamentally about our personal response to God: do we want to go on the journey, or not? That choice determines the rest of our outlook on life - everything afterwards is just rationalization. And for me I still feel drawn to God even as I encounter questions, frustrations, and doubts. I don’t know why. You can try to explain it with my background, my desires, my thoughts - but there have been plenty of people in a similar situation who have chosen otherwise. So it just is.